I need my fix..
I have to get it..
I'm an addict..
I can't help it..
I paced back and fourth, needing the heroin that I always got from the dealer down the street. Ever since he got caught by the cops I've slowly been going insane.
I need it..
I ran into my kitchen, desperately searching for the jack that made me forget about the drugs. Jack.. it's like my holy water, but it wouldn't last as long as I needed it too.. Damn it.. someone help me..
Is that it..?
I screamed a heart-aching cry and dropped to my knees. “Someone help me! I need help!” I sobbed to no one. My head shot up when I heard the high pitched ringing of my phone. I sobbed and carefully pushed myself up with my hands. I stumbled over to the phone, wiping the salty water from my eyes and answered with a small, 'Hello.'
“Zacky?!” A voice screamed on the other end into my ear. “Oh my god..Zee.. I've been worried sick! I went over there and you wouldn't answer the door! Are you alright?!” The panicked voice asked.
“Yea..Rach, I'm fine..” I whispered to her. Rachel was my bestfriend. She was there for me when Brian shattered my heart, when I needed my fix and couldn't get it..when I went insane without it, when no one else was there...she was...
Are there really friends?
Or mere people who pretend they're close to you?
“Zack..” She sighed, I could hear her about to break down. “You need..help.” She whispered before hanging up, leaving me speechless.
There's that word again..
One stray, rebel tear, fell down my face. “So much time I've wasted... I never thought it'd come to this..” I stated. I don't know what I had just said until I had grabbed a knife out of its place in the drawer.
I led myself into the bathroom, the place where I've cried my heart out, washed myself, and puked my guts out. I twirled the knife through each of my fingers, never breaking the eye contact I had with myself in the mirror.
“You are such a messed up bastard.. Such a fuck up... You don't deserve her.. She deserves better..” I muttered. I slid down the white wall, the buttons on the back pockets of my jeans scratching it, leaving black streaks there.
What was the reason for this? Why did I become like this? When did I become addicted?
I put the knife to my forearm and slid it across, tilting my head back against the wall in anguish.
I couldn't take the pain.. this is how I let things out. My drugs are gone. I'm all out of jack.
I have nothing.
I heard footsteps in my hallway. I knew who it was.. why did she have to care so much?
I sliced my arm again as she walked in. She had a mascara stained face. She had been crying..for me.
She watched the crimson liquid run down my arm, onto my hand, onto the floor. She looked like she was gonna die. Pale as hell, her eyes dull with sadness. Her heart was only beating because of the 'fire in her veins.'
She leaned down and took the knife from me, setting it on the sink, she choked out a sob. She kneeled down next to me, staring at my green eyes. They used to be so sparkly, never letting tears fill them. Now..they're dull. Tears never leaving.
She took a towel, wrapping it around my arm as she looked under the sink, probably searching for gauze. She accomplished her search, with gauze in hand. She removed the towel, that was now stained with the cold blood from my arm, she wrapped it in gauze all the way down to my hand. She was almost like a mother to me.. She always took care of me..
“Why?..” She asked, making me turn my head towards her. “Why?! Why, Zack, why?!” She screamed, digging her face into my shoulder. I shook my head slightly, my arm instinctively wrapping around her shoulders. “I-I..don't know..” I stated. I was lying though. I knew exactly why.
“Don't lie to me! You've changed, Zacky!” She spat, her voice cracking in sadness and anger. “I know it's hard Zack..” Her voice got quieter, her head undigging itself from my shoulder.
“I-I don't know w-what you're t-talking about..” I stuttered. I stared at the brown, cabinet doors in front of us. I repeated my lie. As much as I wanted to scream it out. I couldn't.
“I said don't lie to me!” She screamed. “Zack, please..” She mumbled. “Please just tell me..” I looked up at her, my eyes meeting her own blue ones. “I..I miss Jimmy..” My voice cracked before I broke down into tears. “I miss Jimmy!”
She held me in her arms, and cooed sweet little nothing into my ear. “I have so much to say but he's so far away..” I stuttered once again. She looked down at me, “How do I live without the ones I love? Time still turns the pages of the book its burned. Place and time..always on my mind.. I have so much to say but you're so far away.. Sleep tight I'm not afraid.. The ones that we love are here with me.. Lay away a place for me.. cause as soon as I'm done I'll be on my way.. to live eternally!” She sang, salty streams of water falling down her face onto my neck. We both cried heavily that day, never leaving the bathroom we occupied for so long.
I need him back..
Bring him back to me..
I miss you..
“I want to be with him, Rach.” I stated. She looked at me in disbelief. I knew what was coming when I said that, but so be it.. “Zack you aren't thinking about doing that are you?..” She asked, concern swallowing her whole.
“I need him, Rachel.” I stated without thought. “I. Need. Him.” I stated even slower, making sure she heard me. “Zack, please.. Don't do it..” She pleaded.
I shook my head.. “We're going together..” I stated, looking up at her, insanity filling my veins. I knew this would happen to me..
“Huh?” She asked but was cut off when I picked her up and walked out to the car. I put her in the front seat, strapping her in and putting a padlock on the lock so she couldn't undo it.
“Zacky!! Stop!! Please! Think about this!” She cried, hoping her pleas would change my insane mind. I sat in the front seat and started the car, making her start pleading louder. “I'm sorry, Rach.. I love you, okay? We'll be with Jimmy soon.” I stated, smiling slightly before speeding off at an ungodly speed.
I looked over at her with a small smile filled with guilt. “I'm sorry.” I said again before unlocking her seatbelt and ramming into another car head-on.
Rachel flew out the windshield onto the hood of the other car. Zacky's plan of undoing the restraint before the crash was a good idea.. he gave a her a better chance of death. Just how he wanted her to be.
Zacky on the other hand stayed in the car but flew backwards opposed to forward, his seat was bent all the way back from how hard he was sent back. He was laying in the back seat, his neck, spine, and various other limbs broken. He went insane..
Rachel who wasn't dead yet, opened her eyes slightly, looking at all the people around her, trying to make out Zacky's face but failed. “Zacky..” She muttered as one man asked her for her name.
Zacky laid in the backseat, dead in peace. His eyes rolled back into his head, yet his smile still intact. The blood on his face was enough to make a grown man cry. The paramedic walked over to the car that the two had been in and stared at the crippled man in the back. “Sir, we got one over here.”
Rachel groaned in agony as they tried to move her, “Stop!!!” She screamed, making them comply, “Just let me die in peace..” She stated, wanting to be left on the hood, “I'm going home to Zacky and Jimmy..” She stated as her eyes closed.
She opened her eyes again to see Zacky's two close friends, Matt and Johnny standing in front of her, asking all kinda of questions. Matt stared at her, “Where's Zack?!” He asked, trembling at the sight of the girl.
“H-he's..in the afterlife..” She stated, “I'll say hi to Jimmy for you as well..” She smiled slightly, “Promise me..” She whispered. Johnny and Matt got closer to her mouth, “Promise what sweetheart?” Matt asked, wrapping his arm around Johnny in a brotherly hug.
“Promise me you'll never feel afraid..” She whispered her last words into Matt's ear. She faded into her afterlife, meeting Zacky and Jimmy there, smiling at the sight of them hugging.
“Sleep tight I'm not afraid..”